My Pro-Life Journey

[Preface] Please know this: I understand that this is an emotionally charged, often divisive topic. I understand I have not walked in the shoes of one who has faced this decision. My heart and prayers go out to those whose story is far from my own comprehension. My purpose here is not to hurt any feelings or contribute to an already divided world. I just want to let my voice be heard in this little corner of my world. It is possible we don't agree at all. And that's OK. It's possible your story is similar to mine. That's OK too. I believe our democracy was founded on the principle that people are allowed to have an opinion and to be respected regardless of whether or not that opinion lines up with our own. The key is to respect that everyone gets to have an opinion. Here is mine.

My Thirteen Year-Old Self

My pro-life journey is a simple one. I first heard the term "abortion" when I was a young teen and was so confused. In the innocence of my youth, I wondered why would someone want to kill an innocent baby? It didn’t make sense to me. As I matured and became aware of some of the complicated “adult” issues which might cause someone to make this choice, I still struggled to make sense of it. Why punish an innocent baby by taking its life? What is nine months (less really, since most women do not know they are expecting until they only have 7 or 8 months left) compared to the life of a child? Things are pretty black and white at thirteen.

My Seventeen Year-Old Self

Throughout high school and college, I felt compelled to write persuasive and research papers explaining about little known facts about abortion and why it is not morally comprehensible and should not be legal. I still have a paper on which a professor argued that abortion was not, in fact, legal throughout all nine months of pregnancy. I stayed after class to set him straight. In all honesty, I sort of like having the chance to defend my opinions. In all honesty, I tend to find comfort in the safety of black and white. In all honesty, I like being "right" and perhaps had not let this issue drop from my head to my heart. It can be a weakness of mine. More on that in a moment.

My Twenty-Four, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, and Thirty-One Year-Old Selves

When I had the ability to conceive and give birth to three healthy children with no difficulty or complications, I felt so blessed. When our fourth child, Christopher Jon, was an exception, I struggled to find the blessing. He was a well-calculated gift of Natural Family Planning. He and his older brother would have been 18 months apart. Unfortunately, it was not to be. At my 20 week check-up, the doctor could not hear a heartbeat, and the ultrasound the following day confirmed that Christopher was no longer living. After induced labor in the hospital, I delivered a perfectly formed, precious little one with everything in place. All he needed was time to grow. Through no choice of ours or his, he did not have that time. This was the moment the issue dropped from head to heart and mine was broken.

17 months later I gave birth to our fifth child, a precious baby girl. This time, however, I did not take for granted that everything would be easy and uncomplicated, and I treasured every moment of my pregnancy. This time, instead of being surprised, we wanted to know if we were having a boy or a girl. We named her Grace and alongside our fear, we were grateful for the gift of any time we would have with her. Thankfully, we were blessed with our healthy baby girl. One night while nursing her during the wee hours, I was staring at her, amazed by the miracle in my arms, and wondering how anyone could ever choose to end the life of a precious baby. Suddenly, a song entered my spirit. Hours later, when she had been long asleep (and I had not), the lyrics and melody to “Song for Mama” were on my nightstand, a complete surprise to me. I had never written a song before and have a notebook of "not songs" to show I've never written one since! I was sure this was a gift from God, born from the gratitude in my heart for the Grace given to us in this child.

My Fifty-Six Year-Old Self

I cannot believe it's been 25 years since the Lord placed Song For Mama on my nightstand. Lord knows I am no song-writer, so I claim no credit. My purpose in posting it here is not to convince those of you who disagree with me, and not even to inspire those who agree. But for the person on the fence, maybe the one facing a tough decision: maybe you will for just a moment hear what was in this mama's heart in the wee hours of a January morning. Maybe you will make a decision to let your baby come into this world.

[Afterword] Please know this: I am still learning. Just this past Monday while attending the first in a series called "Apologetics: Defending the Faith", I sat with pencil in hand ready to collect all of my bullet-proof evidence to win any debate which might come my way. Guess what? The "apologist" (a well-known author and speaker) called me out and brought me down a notch as he talked to us about love. As Paul says in the Bible, without it I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbol. I put my pencil down and opened my heart. I pray we can all do the same.

Song for Mama (January, 1996)

Click here to listen

I’m just a little baby girl, waiting to come into this world

Oh, Mama, can you hear me?

Conceived by the Father’s hand

I’m part of the Master’s loving plan

Oh, Mama, can you hear me?

Your heartbeat is a comfort song for me

This world is where I so long to be

Oh, Mama can you hear me?

If you could only look into my eyes

I know you would not believe the lies